Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
