she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
