he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize