People in love make me want to vomit
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
