Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
