Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
