do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
