dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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