I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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