if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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