I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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