just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
