I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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