Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You've changed since you got that strap on
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
