Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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