Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
