if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
