That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
