Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
