And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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