she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
