You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
