You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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