So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
