I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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