I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
