I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize