there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
