he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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