I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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