im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
