i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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