3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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