Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
