before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
