I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
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