Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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