forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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