It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
