I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
