I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you had me at cake vodka
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
