apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
