very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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