I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
