Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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