LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize