I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
