I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
