If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize