I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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