We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
