i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
