Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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