my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize