Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
