you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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