I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
