In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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