We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
