remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
