I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize