My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
