she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Let's get the cat blown out
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