I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
