3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize