i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
