I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
this hospital has no fireball
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You've changed since you got that strap on
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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