Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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