wanna go halves on a baby?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
