I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
