Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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