I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
