If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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