Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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