All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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