You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
