According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
