Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
