I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
