Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
