community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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