those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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