Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
