Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
