the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
