we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
