Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
