We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
