I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
