I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
