Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
