You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
