Sry I called you an 8
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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