life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
