I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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