If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize